Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
