remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize