Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
