Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
