At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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