dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
