duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
