dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
