It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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