im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Come see our sink grown plant.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize