that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
