I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
