kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
