oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
It was confusing and full of hummus
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
