we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
