Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
im six kinds of drunk right now
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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