Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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