he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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