dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
