This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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