'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
