Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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