so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
