I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
