I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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