I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
