According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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