so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
