My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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