Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Quick, to the slutcave!
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize