She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
