Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
