I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize