I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
