You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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