Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
