They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
