Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
