I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
