Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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