u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
