Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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