What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize