You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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