i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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