Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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