paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
