I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
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