He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
