dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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