haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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