grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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