Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
