i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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