Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
