I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
