i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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