So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
