Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
