I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
