Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize