Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
