Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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