she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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