your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
