I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
