New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize