Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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